My not-so-dear-right-now friend

(This is my personal rant - please forgive me for airing it here)

 

I stood in awe when you said your vows

And promised to love, honour and cherish

In sickness, in health

In life and until death

Those words that are so very sacred

Not because I witnessed them

But because they were said before your wife

And children

And God (who I know you don't really believe in)

 

And right now I am angry with you

I don't know how to keep that bubble of anger rising

You don't live by the moral laws that I have chosen

So I should not be angry

But I am

 

So this is my rant, which I have not said to you

But have thought, and bit my tongue hard

Too many times to count

 

You promised. but you lied

You swore fidelity, but before your divorce went through

You dated other women

Regardless of what we have talked about

(my word is my bond)

You have walked away from a wife and your children

Because it seems you were bored

And could not bend to the times

(which are for a season)

And the seasons

(which change)

So you  became dissatisfied

 

My heart breaks for your wife

Who wonders what she did wrong

And your boys who now have no dad but instead a father

(well, in holidays and sometimes a weekend here or there)

 

Where is the dad to turn to and talk to each night

To play in the garden with

To kiss goodnight

To teach the everyday truth of honouring a woman

Of playing fair in sport

To adventure with

Do homework with

Be proud of

Stand tall beside

Snuggle up to.

 

??

 

Where is the man to grow old beside

To love and to laugh and to share daily moments with

In the silence late at night

And the noise of the daytime

To share each other's dreams and tears

To hear the heartbeat of

And feel breathing

With whom you can watch your children grow tall.

 

??

 

Where?

 

I don't understand why.

 

And right now I am angry with my "heartsore" for your wife and your boys.

 

And this is my rant. Maybe I won't want to thump you when I next see you, now that I have gotten this out. I hope so. Because I still don't understand why or understand you. The man of many words but no commitment.

 

Maybe I am heart sore, because I believed so much more of you. And because we promised to stand beside you both. And your actions show that we were not there for you in the moments that you needed us most. I'm sorry. So very sorry.