David and Goliath - as told to Luke

There once was a boy named David who lived in Israel. He was a shepherd and spent his days (looking everywhere) for his father's sheep in the hills of this land. David was a brave and strong boy who loved to be outside. Da-add, seen that sheep anywhere? Dang, another one missing! Maybe they didn't like my last song?

But one day David's life changed when the people of his country began to fight a nation of people called the Philistines. They were mean, nasty hairy dudes who ate peanut butter on EVERYTHING.  David's big brothers went to fight in this war, but David remained behind to take of (that means look for) the sheep. O sheepie sheepie, where are youuuuu?

One day Jesse, David's father, asked him to take a bag of corn and some bread to his brothers. When David arrived at the camp high on a mountain. Haphooo, ha-phooo, whew, puff-puff, he found his brothers. Great, there you are, been looking for you everywhere dudes. They ate all the popcorn and munched the sarmies straight away.

On the other mountain across the valley where the Philistines had their camp, stood a mighty giant named Goliath. He was covered in the strongest armour from head to foot. 

(Mom, can't you see he has a gap on his legs? There's no armour there. I would hit his legs with my light sabre! And look, what about his arms??)

Every day Goliath would shout across the valley: Send me a man so I may fight him. But the soldiers stood together and were too afraid (and Goliath smelt really really bad.)

David, who was the youngest and not even a soldier, said to all the men in the camp Why do you not dare to fight the stinky giant?

There is no one strong enough, they all replied. 

I will fight this man, said David, because God is on our side. 

So King Saul tried to give David his armour but it was too big and smelt funny. Like old man smell, so David said No thanks and put his sheep-smelly clothes back on again. 

Then he went to Sportsman's warehouse and found five stones, took his light saber, er, sling, and went out to meet the giant. He nearly stepped in some sheep poo, which would have been bad, 'cos it wasn't even his sheep's doo doo.  Goliath laughed at David who was only a boy. Ho ho ho, ha ha ha. (Through the big rotten black teeth in his big stinky-breath mouth).  

But David swung the sling and the stone went flying out. (Faster than infinity and beyond...)

(And Goliath swung his sword like AB de Villiers and got ready for the new fast bowler. Then David did a clever run up and sent him a spinner.  But Goliath missed, and the stone hit his head instead - though David was aiming for his unprotected legs and arms I think. It's very, very, really, important to keep your eye on the ball, you know.)

Goliath fell down, defeated, and brave David was rewarded by Saul, the King of Israel.

Thanks small guy, that was super cool. Dig your giant bowling technique. Join my personal cricket team....
 

(This story is true to the basic facts, but all exaggeration is claimed by Mom and Luke, 2015. No sheep were harmed, only insulted. All credit to the cool lego images found on Google images).